September 25, 2011

To Whom do I Write For?

I have found myself charged and rejuvenated asking myself, what next should I write about. What will my readers want to read? I recall very recently speaking to a friend about this, and she said that for her, her blog was a means of journaling and she didn't care that anyone could read what she wrote, that what she was writing was a place of letting it all out and yet for me, I feel complex, on one hand I really like writing and getting things off my chest, I also want to write topics that will hold any reader who happens to stumble upon my blog. I know it should not matter whether anyone reads my blog or not, but I guess in some ways it does. You just never know who you are reaching out there in the Universe. The way we connect with people now a days, is truly in the smallest of ways. The world is a lot smaller than we all think.

So here I am  "To Whom do I Write For?" today it is me. 

I have been focusing on my health; and when I say health, I mean body, mind and spirit

Six short months ago, my life took a permanent change; one that hasn't always been easy, even now, but the process of elimination from pharmaceutical drugs to as much natural as is available to me. The hope is the menopausal symptoms will decrease to the point of complete elimination. Yes, you read right, I am 42, and had a hysterectomy, thereby putting me into early menopause. But fear not all you lovely ladies out there reading this, I learned this weekend that even though I have gained some weight (which I have learned is water retention), my breasts have decided to grow again! It is like being a teenager, minus the hormones of puberty! So tonight I have begun the task of going through clothing and such as I have thus far increased a good cup at least and most of my bras do not fit!! Crazy, I know!! 

But most of all the various adjustments to my body inside and out as I adapt to the "change" that I have heard a lot about growing up and now as an adult woman going through it; the hot flashes, the night sweats, although they haven't been easy and as a young girl joking with her friends about how we all couldn't wait til our periods were gone forever.Now that I experienced it first hand, I wonder when the "hard part" will be over and the easy stuff will kick in? 

I'm not ungrateful, I'm not unhappy, the medical reasons behind the surgery necessity and the 2nd and 3rd opinions all make sense. Its just.... not an easy thing letting go of a body that once could wear shorts or a tank top with no cellulite and now ..... well lets just say the cellulite reminds me of well earned medals for all the years leading up to this very moment in my life. 

September 21, 2011

There's Always a Chance~ There's Always a Choice

I had just finished watching the X-Factor and a contestant said those words in my post line. Those words resonated with me and I knew then that I had my topic for my next post. 

There's Always a Chance ~ There's Always a Choice. 

Life is about taking chances, just as life is about choices we make and in some situations there are consequences for those choices. 

I've been focusing a fair bit on issues surrounding choices and chances in my life. I struggle with these daily. The reason being is quite simple, I am not used to having choices or chances. I have always felt there was either a black or a white thought process, in other words there was either a "yes" or "no" answer. I am wanting there to be more "grey"; in other words, I am wanting to have flexibility, to be more relaxed and less rigid, there is a difference in being a doormat, just to be clear, as I am not one. 

Being a woman who has suffered with matters of a personal nature, I have spent some time away from friends. It isn't that I haven't wanted friends, if anything it is quite the opposite. But the fears surrounding trust had been allowed to take over, so the consequence of choosing to be alone versus taking the risk of making friends is that I had been alone more than with people and consequently at times depression made an appearance. 

I realized something vital, something so pertinent that helped remove a layer of negative energy and replaced it with positive thoughts. Most of my teenage life/young adult life has been marred with those that were once in my life who felt I was not worthy of being in their life. Those who were at one time claiming I was not healthy, claiming that it was the fault of persons who I knew couldn't possibly have anything to do with my being unwell. It has taken a long time for me to become healthy and well; to become the very person I am now. To remove the negative energy that I have, just as the statement says

There's Always a Chance ~ There's Always a Choice. 

The leg work is worth the results, it is ongoing, and steady; after all it isn't like I just arrived one day unsure, anxious and depressed. There had to be substantial reasons that lead me to that the road of self discovery.  I choose to not be ashamed, however, I have been made to feel ashamed. I have felt the stigma of people unsure of what to say to me, or that they feel like I have a disease~ that they are going to catch it. (Just what is "it" anyway?) It is like being bullied for an invisible disease, a disease that we all have within us that can reveal itself at any time. It is called MENTAL ILLNESS and it is nothing to be ashamed of, scared of, or embarrassed of. 

There is Help, There is Hope, There is Light, There is Love, You Are NOT alone.

If ANYONE reading my blog needs or wants someone to talk to, email me anytime, and I will reply back in confidence. 

September 18, 2011

Steampunk, Community Connections, and Kink

Last nights Steampunk's event at Rascal's was amazing! A lot of people had gone to a lot of trouble to put on their best 'punk outfits and make them shine!  I just couldn't resist this Kermit the Frog picture, even though we didn't have anyone dressed like him, how could you not include him?!
Kermit playing the banjo
I had kept my eye out for someone I had been hoping to meet, but I later learned that he was too shy to come and say hello. Its always amazes me how too familiar one gets behind a computer screen, then when the opportunity arises to meet, suddenly, bu definitely not surprising, all to often; the person either doesn't show up or they show up but are often too shy to come an say hello. I would have gone over to say hello, but I only had photographs that didn't include full facial features so I had to leave the mystery up to him. 

Our Kink Community was alive and well last night. A few faces I didn't know, a few I did know, a many hugs of hellos :). We didn't do a public scene last night as neither of us were feeling the energy was right for us. We did however, watch a several scenes, a few caught my eye; one in particular did trigger a memory of a scene that went wrong for me and my Master who is also my bf had said we could go somewhere else in the room, and I had said no, that I wanted to see it through. It was uncomfortable, and yes it made me squeamish but I wanted to see if I could work it through.

The scene I was watching was a slave and her Master. She was on the St. Andrew's Cross and her Master went directly into full whipping, and it instantly reminded me of a moment of my past where I had a former Master who did the same thing but not at Rascals it was a hotel. Like her scene, there was no warm up, no discussion prior, nothing.

My scene went like this. I was asked to be fully nude, to stand at the end of one of two beds in the hotel, and my ex Master took his whip, which I later learned he had never used, and was new to him, practiced on me, I was incredibly green at that time, and didn't know any of this, his slave was on the Island and she wanted him to "break it in on me, so that it would be supple when it was used on her". Needless to say, several hours went by, and my ex Master's goal was to try and "break" me to be his slave, and I knew he wouldn't break me. My soul and spirit wouldn't let him. I remember in the end I had about 2 hours of sleep, he woke me, I was what I learned over time was subspace, drove me home and said he would talk to me later. I remember trying to reach him later to let him know I wasn't well and couldn't reach him, eventually he called me back and all he said was "yes, that can happen, you will be fine". I called a friend, who I went to see, he fed me lots of fruit, cuddles, dinner and told me to sleep for as long as I wanted, that I was safe. To this day I have never forgotten that moment and I have had to play very slowly with any kind of crop or whip in the hopes that some day the trust factor will allow me to experience the true pleasure of subspace as it really can be. 

In the case of the scene before me, I wasn't privy to their discussions so perhaps they did discuss prior to their scene, but I know in my case, there was absolutely no discussion about any rules, colors, safe words etc. 

The wales of cries were fierce, the tears non stop, I waited and wondered when her Master was going to soothe her, when was he going to wrap that blanket around her? My Master who is also my bf and I talked and He didn't like what he was seeing and we both looked around the room and we begun to notice around the room that slowly a few of the "elder" members were starting to watch the scene before us.  Yet still no call of Red.

My Master said, it could be that she may find the intensity cathartic, some do as he had once experienced during a scene back in Dallas. He wanted to know if I was doing ok, I said I was definitely bothered because now there was blood and whip marks and for some reason the whole scene itself seem so detached and less attached. 

Eventually after she cleaned with antiseptic and a band aid was put on one of her wounds; the scene was resumed, steadfast and intense. Her tears strong, I thought for sure she was going to climb off St. Andrew and over it; but I am sure her Master would have whipped her longer.  Eventually, her scene ended, she was removed from the cross and she grabbed her blanket and made her way back to her seat.  As for Master and I, we kept walking around, talking and taking in other scenes and laughing and giggling with friends. 

One of our personal highlights of the evening was we had our very first pictures taken with ThatGuy as a couple. This was very personal for us, as we hadn't been able to get a together picture until now. I've not received it yet, but when I do, I will post it. 

I like to leave a little smile at the end of my entry personally I am one for smiles and laughter, I've been learning just how short life really is....

September 17, 2011

Steampunk Saturday

Tonight I am attending my first Steampunk event at Rascals
I've never attended a Steampunk anything before. I'm looking forward to going.  I have an outfit I've never worn before that I picked up from Deadly Couture Latex last year. If you have never been there it is definitely the place to go!! Jenny the owner and her staff are so friendly and the shop, oh my word! So much fun!!

Its fun to play dress up for the night! Although I've been a little nervous about how to dress for this event. My bf has been sharing his ideas about how there are varieties of Steampunk. I had no idea as to different versions of this era existed!

But first before we even get to Rascals, there is sushi to be had!! It has been ages since I have gone to Rainbow Before Sushi. The restaurant is quaint and the food is delicious!! The staff treat us well, and the prices are very reasonable. My stomach is starting to growl as I am writing this blog, hmmm makes me think of that I need to have a small snack to tide me over til dinner lol.

Well, for now I don't have a whole lot of kinkery to share at the moment, perhaps later on or tomorrow I will? One just never knows do they...... I will leave that for your minds to toss and turn about until next time :)

Have a great evening, I know I will!

September 15, 2011

The 5 Languages of Love

I was reading on a forum that I frequent, about the 5 Languages of Love. As the topic went on, various individuals posted their results and it got me thinking. I wanted to know many things, as I am sure you, yourself are now wanting to know "what are my 5 languages of love?" Well let me guide you to that bit of information.

The author who created The 5 Languages of Love is Gary Chapman and can be found here from what I have read, he is extremely knowledgeable, here is an example:

"Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, of five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive - everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch."

There are many things to be learned from this article and the assessment, you will be surprised what you will learn about yourself; and not in a bad way.

Have a GREAT day!

Love and Light!

September 13, 2011

Enriching ones life

Today has been a day of surprises and progress. My visit with the chiropractor was a good session, to be told that my body was holding less anger than it had been last week felt really good considering I have battles with chronic pain. I'm looking forward to sleep this evening.

We are going to the Langley Munch this evening! We are looking forward to this as we haven't been able to attend many events lately. It will be great to see some of our friends in the Community again. I'm hoping that we will be able to attend the upcoming Rascal's event as well.

It was lovely to catch up with a few friends who enrich our lives and helped to put the evening into perspective. As well it gave Master a chance to meet members of the Community I had spoken of, but he had not had a chance to meet.

To enrich ones life that is very powerful. It can come in many forms, it may come in the form of laughter, a hug, a conversation or a smile. Either way to be enriched by someone is to feel that sense of empowerment. Something we all strive for, we all crave, something we all want and don't always pay attention when it is staring right at us.

September 12, 2011


Summer is just about at its yearly close, my garden has been a month behind and the tomatoes are finally caught up, today I finally saw a tomato in the ripen stages, thank goodness! Now if my zucchini would follow suite the world would make my summer a happy place.

I've been rather reflective lately on many things, activities I have participated in or not participated in. Sometimes it is quite simply monetarily dictated; other times it may be the simplicity of wanting to spend time with the one I love.

A lot of inner growth has been transpiring and the process has been a blossoming experience. A process to be continued. I have always found the road and path to loving ones self to be a bit bumpy at times, but once the path has begun, the work so well worth it, the layers start to peel away little by little, the weight starts to lift. The experiences for people of how they choose to experience their individual path is a deeply personal choice.

I'm hoping to be out and about more in the community and attend more social events as my spirit improves.