July 25, 2011

Growing Pains of Stepping Outside The Box

Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I admit I didn't see it coming.

I've had the luxury of playing while my Primary Partner had been away out of town attending to personal and business matters. We are in an open relationship, (and now after further discussion and attending a workshop on Polyamory and Non-Monogamy- we have changed our dynamic to Polyamorous), fully negotiated, boundaries discussed and communication on an ongoing basis.  So for the next several weeks, when the opportunity arose and convenience worked, I saw said Play Partners with the full knowledge and consent of my Primary Partner.

My Primary had his Play Partners, and through it all we always made "us" a priority. We always made sure the other knew what we were doing, for us it is about respect and consideration for the other's feelings. Me being who I am, I don't need to know the details of what he does, but I know if I want to ask I am at liberty to at any time.

I learned something very valuable at a recent workshop held at @Libido Lounge recently by Jennifer Skrukwa  http://fetlife.com/groups/2020/group_posts/1542185. I learned about Compersion.

I was recently reading a forum regarding Compersion and I found after some very in depth reading and understanding a simple paragraph that resonated with me, and it explains why I do not feel jealousy towards my Primary Partners' lovers/play partners/friends

Simply put:

"Overcoming the fear of losing your SO to someone else by knowing that what they get from you is solely from you and what they get from others is solely about the others. As in no one person can be everything to another, poly is about getting your needs met by more than one love." -courtesy of VanillaAngel

Yet I am at a loss of the behaviors of others, whether it be due to unknown boundaries that were not known or discussed, immaturity on the part of the other party, strong emotional feelings developed by either party . I am not sure, but the minute my Primary Partner returned from his trip, my Play Partners who I had been playing with suddenly and without warning, decided to disappear.  You know how that goes, not returning phone calls, emails, text messages, suddenly it dawned on me that something had changed dramatically and it wasn't just my imagination.

I think the biggest thing I have learned about stepping outside of the box, is that being a swinger and a Kinkster apparently the two are clearly different; or at least it appears they are. I've been Sex Positive for many years, 12 to be exact.

I came into this community originally a Swinger and the definition of Play Partner was pretty easy to comply with, you meet and see if there is chemistry, very seldom is there play the same night you meet someone, as with BDSM there are negotiations, but instead of scenes they are regarding play (aka sex).

I think what is different that I have seen and noticed is the level of respect. While it is true that people interpret respect to be different for some individuals, I know for myself that if I have decided to cease a continuation, that above all else, communication would be paramount, no matter what. I would never leave someone hanging, left to wonder. I think that is just plain disrespectful and shows a loss of class to the person who is doing the leaving.

Unfortunately,  the learning curve for my Partner and I is that not everything on the cover of a profile is as accurate as you read, even after talking and negotiating. The truth isn't always as it seems.

But Cest la vie! Onwards and upwards!!

July 6, 2011

The Punishment

This was to be no ordinary Saturday and I had been warned.

You told me dress comfortably for my drive; yet I knew better, once I was settled I was expected to change and I knew what you wanted; you wanted your special shirt, the one with the buttons, the one that you gave me, as I know how it not only makes You happy, it also sets the mood with my 4 inch black heels and nothing else.

I arrive and I am chatty, You figure that I am nervous something I didn't expect; given I am not fearful of You; however, it had been quite awhile since You had Punished me. You saw the trepidation and You asked me to come to You. You had a softness about You and You asked if I trusted You, I said I did, but that I did not know what You had in mind for me and it had been a long time since You had actually Punished me. You smiled and kissed me softly and yet your arms around me made me feel secure and safe. You ask me to stand up and to turn around and I do, You spank my ass and ask me to change. Off I go!

I suddenly hear music through the house and know the mood is being set, I remember seeing the chains hanging from the upper railing.

I return to You as expected, You inspect me approvingly. I kneel before You, You lean forward to hug me, You kiss me before we discuss boundaries, hard limits and safe words. You are in tune with me, remembering that this will allow me to feel the trust I need before our scene is to begin.

I stripped before You, only wearing 4 inch black heels, sexiness and sensuality come over me. I am now ready to receive my Punishment.

You place the bondage cuffs around each wrist and hang me from each chain, a blind fold now covers my eyes. I feel my surroundings become dark, anticipation has now overcome me. I know that You have Your various floggers, crops and other nasty toys that will be placed upon my flesh. I will accept with dignity and grace all upon me.

You start softly, warming my flesh, each impact becoming warmer, each spot reminding me like a muscle remembers a dance routine. You bring the leather flogger to my nose, I inhale the beautiful smell of the leather, oh how I love that smell, and You ask me if I remember Her and I said "Yes Sir".

You catch me by surprise, something not easily done! I feel 3 very intense *slap, slap, slap* on my flesh, my ass, my back, my breasts, my pussy each strike harder and stronger than the first. I suddenly find myself twisting and turning, something I have not done with Sir before. I find myself "in my head, now wondering how Sir will further Punish me for moving around." I am no longer sure which direction I am; You say to me, "Return to your spot!" I do, or so I thought. You ask again, "Try again". I say "Sir, I seem to have become confused in my sense of direction" You whisper in my ear "I know, see if you can figure it out". I take a minute, but Sir is wanting me to return to my original spot. I become flustered and ask Sir if I can have assistance. He assists me and returns me to where I need to be, spreading my legs.

Sir fingers my pussy and says "Slut, you're very wet; did you expect to cum?" I'm now wiggling as Sir is playing with my clit and I answer with "No, Sir".

Sir looks into my eyes and says to me, "Given that you are on orgasm denial Sweet One, you best not let a single drop of cum release from your pussy, or a further Punishment will await you, With that said, Sir shoves His fingers into my mouth for me to clean and lick them of my juices.

Sir decides that this scene is now complete and He removes me from the cuffs and chains. I already had my water/juice, chocolate and other goodies waiting for me, and Sir has a blanket waiting for me to cuddle with Him.

Sir says says to me awhile later, "I have another scene that awaits you upstairs...."