I am starting to think that I don't like the beginning NRE (New Relationship Energy), the butterflies, the laughter, the incessant flirting and bantering. The phase can go for days and days. Then, without any warning, the natural occurrence of the next phase enters.
I knew when I started playing with Sir, that as much as He is interested in playing with me, He also said He didn't know how often it would be. At first it seemed back to back (it was actually about 2 to 4 weeks in between our visits). I enjoyed our visits, our energy, the connection and for me exploration to areas not touched before.
As time has started to move on and its been about 3 to 4 weeks since I last saw Sir, I have really started to think about what I want. I've come to realize I do want a regular play partner, but I don't know how regular this relationship would be.
My Master is my rock, I talk to Him about everything and when I feel unsure or uncertain, He supports me and reminds me that He isn't going anywhere and of how much He loves me. I know that through Him and His love and unconditional support, I continue to grow and flourish within my submission to Him who I call Master.
I'm not sure if this is just a reality check for me, and if so, then I may accept the situation and find another play partner who will give me more of what I am looking for; or Sir will stay in the picture but I recognize that we won't be playing very much. If that is the case, our time together may just fade away.
The ups and downs of being a play partner - sometimes when it works, it works great; but when it is difficult, it can be very challenging.