January 10, 2011


Today was my long awaited appointment with my specialist. I wasn't nervous as I had been wanting this appointment since my ultrasound appointment back in December 2010. The answers are now starting to come in, as is the reality, the mortality of my reproductive years are going to be demising completely. As someone who is involved in a few communities, this does put me "out of commissions" briefly as in a mere few weeks, I think the bigger picture is coming to be adjustment. Adjustments just like changes are never easy for me. My SO is and has been a huge network of support for me. He was able to ask and give answers to questions and get answers to questions as well.

Now I have another appointment later this week it is for another specialist, different from the one I saw today. This one with any luck will be able to coordinate with the one we saw today to combine both procedures.  One can only hope.

Let's see what else is happening...

Well my SO and I are discussing various long term matters in our relationship and overall things are progressing well. My only issue is issues that one doesn't have control over and those issues can be very overwhelming triggers in and of themselves. We have spoken about them, and have discussed things like trigger words, options, reasons, deeper understanding as to what specifically is causing the trigger to happen. For myself, this type of conversation is huge, yet I still found myself feeling anxious at the idea that he would disappear, as so many have in my life. Friends, Family, Lovers, Companions, they all have left at one point. I remind myself that the life of my past is not the life of my future, it takes work a lot of work, but I believe that it will be overcome.

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