Kink and Mental Health

I was perv'n around and stumbled upon Fetlife's event. They are having a Month Long Kink Holiday Giveaway Kink Holiday Giveaway. If you are a member of Fetlife you can read the post and join. I did, its interesting to read all the suggestions and questions. Follow the links and you can join more month long contest.

          " To show our appreciation to our kink-tastic members and to continue on with our gift of giving mode that we kick started with our post here: A reminder to our Lifetime Supporters...the gift of giving, we will be giving away one free six month membership per day for the entire month of December! :-) "

excerpt from Kink Holiday Giveaway - Fetlife. 

I thought on my question and decided what it would be.

• Do you feel there is a connection between being socially accepted in a lifestyle looked down upon and mental health and stigma?

What's your question? Share here!! I look forward to seeing you on Fetlife! Be sure to come and hit me up and send me an email, I like making new kinky friends :).

2 year Sex-er-versary

Merry Ho'ness everyone!!

How have you all been? I know I've not written since September. The reason is I've been dealing with some mental health issues. I struggle with social anxiety, depression, bipolar and borderline personality disorder.

It has taken its toll on my kink life and poly relationships.

I know I've let many of you down, and I suspect you all have forgotten about me. I do apologize for that. I have been working on myself, seeing the right medical people, doing the protocols advised. Master and I are strong, he is my force and guidance.

Merry Kink'ness!! 

Its the little things

This morning I got up and made Master a fresh pot of coffee. He is a man who in the morning is very groggy and will often just grab whatever is available, but I thought He would like something fresh. He takes such good care of me, especially with my lifestyle eating changes. He has been measuring my portions, and reminding me of the benefits of making sure I get enough protein and exercise. I love how it is the little things that keep our dynamic working.

I also love it when we will be giving kisses goodbye and He asserts His dominance by grabbing a bunch of my hair at the back of my hair and passionately kisses me.

What do you like to have done to you/with you as a reminder of your dynamic?

A sad submissive

Every year my Master heads back to his home town for an extended period of time. The first few days are very hard for me. We have such a strong connection emotionally and spiritually. When I say he is my best friend I really mean it. 


As I struggle with depression, I have been struggling since Master has been gone. He knows and wishes that things weren't the way they are. He wants me to do whatever I want, to socialize, to connect with friends and perhaps new friends. All sounds wonderful, doesn't it? My problem, I have no desire to meet and greet anyone. 


So my question to my pervy readers is this:

I want you all to post to me some suggestions and ideas of things I can do to help me stay focused and occupied while Master is away. 

I know that I will look for daily positive affirmations to help me feel positive.

I know that the weather, especially when it is gloomy out, plays heavily on my mood and spirit. 

I know I would like to meet new people, perhaps new play partners. 

I know I will continue to focus on my vegetable garden, weeding and thinning all the goodness to be reaping and sowing their goodness.

Now for the fun lifestyle stuff!! Tell me some of your fantasies, I would love to hear from you! Perhaps another task would be to set up friendship emails; people I can communicate with back and forth with. 

The Challenge Within

It's very hard to believe I am not the same woman I once was. Often you could hear me saying "back in the day...." which often was followed by "I could do this and that, with no problem". It is true, at one time I trained 6 days a week on average 2 hours a day in martial arts, mix that with Tae Bo and Sparring and I was one lean machine, ready for competition and loving how my body and mind felt in unison.

I have realized as I am writing this it has been 10 years, since I trained like that, amazing how so much has happened in that time span. A marriage, divorce, a major move to another Province, career changes, 3 significant motor vehicle accidents (that affected me greatly) and various friendships and long term relationships.  There are other life changing events that I've left out of this blog as I want to keep them out of the internet universe.

So often I have found myself saying "I'm not the same woman I once was." Well after seeing what I wrote above, is it any wonder? I've been longing for that woman who competed, trained, had a sense of self, and determination about her craft. But I've also come to realize that I am now starting that path from scratch this week, Monday to be precise! I am meeting with my very dear friend who happens to be a personal fitness trainer and we are going to start from scratch with a weigh in and measurements. I can already hear the negative thoughts churning in my head because I know the numbers are going to be in the digits I have NEVER been in, just as is my weight and my clothes.

I grew up in an unhealthy and unrealistic environment where how much you weighed, measured and ate was as much a part of you as getting up, showering and going on about your day. I spent many a teenage day measuring myself, compulsively exercising in my bedroom with a woman's exercise magazine that my mother had used. She used to measure and weigh her food, and consequently so did I. When I didn't get the results that I wanted, I turned to laxatives and weight loss supplements like Dexatrim because I have been so paranoid of gaining the weight that has plagued some of my relatives, not taking into consideration that for them it may not even be because of food, but no one told me about thyroids and diabetes as part of a reason for their situations.

The Challenge within is not just the numbers on the scale, or how snug and in some instances clothing that no longer fits has been playing with my mind. Those days of laxatives and diet supplements call to me, remind me of how they worked on purging my body of fat or muscles if there wasn't fat to take away. I hold back because I doubt now, I doubt what will truly work and what won't. Now it is about getting my body to WANT to eat, the metabolism is slow and the cravings for carbs is a lot smaller than it used to be, however, the 5 meals a day I used to have that were as a means of keeping my blood sugar even, hasn't been happening; I'm lucky if I have lunch after I have breakfast and then dinner at a reasonable hour.

But to be fair on myself I have to remember that having a complete hysterectomy not even a year ago, has really been a challenge for me. Not just the removal of a menstrual cycle and such, but the adapting to NOT ever having a period is the small part to the operation. The bigger picture is dealing without having all of my female reproductive parts, including the necessary hormones that keep things such as the weight I have gained in balance. I've been told that this weight will move and that my body will return to where it was, but what people have failed to share is how long it will be til that happens. I've been told various comments from a short time after my surgery to as long as when my body would normally and naturally go into menopause. So with that in mind, I can see why I am continually challenged with my thoughts and what to do.

Now to add to the mix is my years of chronic depression and Borderline Personality disorder, both of which are under medical supervision and I am feeling more in tune and balance with myself, in this regard. The work I am doing on myself and my mental state I have always known is a huge part of not just my mental state but my physical state as well. If one is not in balance, than how can the other parts?

I know it is about baby steps and learning to love who is inside me, but the outside part wouldn't mind a few perks too :)