2 year Sex-er-versary

Merry Ho'ness everyone!!

How have you all been? I know I've not written since September. The reason is I've been dealing with some mental health issues. I struggle with social anxiety, depression, bipolar and borderline personality disorder.

It has taken its toll on my kink life and poly relationships.

I know I've let many of you down, and I suspect you all have forgotten about me. I do apologize for that. I have been working on myself, seeing the right medical people, doing the protocols advised. Master and I are strong, he is my force and guidance.

Merry Kink'ness!! 

Are you?

I've been chatting with my former Dominant. We have always remained close and we have played over the years. Master has met him and there are no issues with me playing with Him.

I also have a close friendship with Him. He said that He knows He will always get the truth from me. Its nice to know that my words are valued. I am also this way in my submission. When I choose to be a submissive to Master or to this Dominant, I take it very seriously because I know that being a good girl is what makes them happy as well as myself. I find when I am doing what makes me happy, it shows in my service.

I've not had a poly relationship in a while. Sometimes I miss it, other times I am wrapped up in my other projects. But somehow I always remember my place. If not, I get reminded!

How about you? Are you in a poly relationship?

Feel Good Friday!!

Well its finally Friday! How many of you have kinky plans this weekend? Master and I do have plans tonight and tomorrow night! Tonight we are going to a bbq with kinkster that we are taking to our public event tomorrow. We are bringing some homemade chicken wings tonight and we get to enjoy the warmth of their hot tub and fire pit! 

Its going to be a hot night! Master and I are nudists and the hot tub is clothing optional, YIPEE! I love the feeling of the warm water on my skin, the jets against my back. Not sure if we are going to be doing any playing tonight, but we will see! Perhaps I can take some pics and post them over the weekend!

Very recently, I had some body art done. I have waited for a good year for this wonderful and very sexy lady to do this for me. It was such a sensual experience, too feel the paint caress my skin, softly and easily. The colors of green and white chosen to go with the hazel of my eyes.  I'm posting a photo below, I'd love to hear what you think of it. Master has many more as we did an impromptu photo shoot, he promises to get them finished so we can not only send them to our friend who did the painting, but so we can share them with you, our blogger friends! 

I just love how everything blended so beautifully, even my dog got into the shot lol! 

Happy Friday Everyone, 

Lixxs,

Sierra

TGIF!!

Something came across my path this morning and it triggered a thought. What does the word play mean to you? 

As many of you know Master and I are poly. However, I've been struggling with my feelings around that right now, it is most likely to do with my growth and changes I have been going through in my vanilla life as I come to acceptance of some things. 

Play to me can mean sex or it can mean doing a public or private scene.  For me, negotiating and discussion on what is understood is huge. I never leave anything to be assumed.

When Master says do you want to play? I know he is referring to a scene that usually incorporates sex into our time together. In fact most if not all my play partners in my BDSM experience sex has always been a factor. But what does it mean to you? 

There are people who do not incorporate sexual activity into their relationships. In fact, "back in the day" sex had nothing to do with BDSM scenes. I often have wondered if it is the combination of arisen endorphin's, sexual chemistry and energy, that have encouraged physical intimacy? 

If it is your first time playing, emotions can and often do come to the surface, causing you to potentially feel like you have found your partner, your life mate, when on his/her side it was nothing more than part of a scene, the moment now long past, he/she has gone on about their life; yet you are still riding the waves of your experience, hoping for more and often! I know what that feels like, I'm sure a few of us know what that feels like, especially when you haven't had a mentor to advise you and teach you what to look for. 

When I am at a swinging event, play means "let's have sex". I've never heard it used any other way. 

Master has been talking to someone who is very interested in Him. She is eager to play, yet I do not know what that means to her. My gut and assumption says it is sex, but does it? She is new to the lifestyle, and I remember what it was like to be exposed to all the excitement and wonder. Wanting to feel every emotion, every flogger, spank and blind fold. To being that kid in the proverbial candy store wanting to eat every sweet, succulent yummy bit of sugar you can touch, til you are overloaded. 

It leaves me uneasy.

Plans Change

This morning I was to meet a new potential play partner. We've not had any luck with meeting. First time he cancelled, second one I didn't make it, and just now he is wanting to change the time. I just can't help but feel  that this person is going to stand me up. I've also been reflecting on some "flags" that I had been keeping to myself, but I have since discussed them with Master and we both feel that this may not be a person who is who he says he is. Someone who gets upset because he is addressed as Sir right away, someone who when he didn't get a reaction he wanted from me, decided he was going to go and find someone else, both pieces of information I told him "good luck" as in good luck with his search. Now he contacts me asking if I would meet him for breakfast and I said yes, I think I will stick with no. 

Let this be a lesson ladies and gents! If the flags are starting to pop up, than chances are the rest of the information will follow suit.

Happy Thirsty Thursday!

Lixxs and Spanxs!

Sierra

Master has a Coffee Date

I'm excited for him! She is such a lovely lady, we are close in age too. 

It was cute to see Master nervous, wanting to make a good impression. I know He will do great on His coffee date with this girl. She is looking for a Daddy/Master relationship with eventual 24/7. Master ran that by me and I assured Him to just enjoy the moment and see where the conversation takes them. That sometimes it is amazing how at one time something you never thought would be of interest to you, suddenly could be. That's what my play partner relationship with Sir has been about. He has introduced me to areas of play that at one time I never would have agreed to and yet, with time, and just lots of continual talking, my trust grows with Him. The only downside is we aren't able to see one another very much, so I am searching for an additional Top that will be local to me.

Master and I talk about everything and we feel our force is steady and strong. I like seeing Him happy, as much as He likes to see me happy. 

The anticipation

There is a buzz in the air, my time with Sir is fast approaching! I am excited as it has been a good month and a half since our last play. 

He has already told me that He will push me further, more outside of my comfort zone. As our trust continues to build, I welcome this diversion. I welcome the chance to see what He has in mind. 

The last time we played, I was clothes pegged on my pussy and made to walk and then being teased by Sir as he made a point of saying that I didn't walk like a lady, while feeling those pinching pegs, with every step I took, the more I tried to stride like a lady, the more the pegs rubbed not just on my pussy, but with each other!!  Not to be out done, I had clamps on my breasts, the kind where Sir controls their level of tightness at His will, the chain linking left with the right breast reminding me that any movement I made too extreme, made them "grab" that much more and I would wince. Oh to see Sir's, happiness made it all worth it!!

Being on my knees, looking up at Him, while sucking His cock; forced deep throat, drool starting to bubble out of my mouth.  I could feel the gurgle of my vomit want to creep up more and more.... but I was determined NOT to throw up. I made sure to eat very little that day! Tears started to form, not of sadness but of my reflexes doing my magic.

Sir had me crawl on my knees and follow Him to the bathroom, once their I was required to kneel beside Him, the humiliation drawing me, coaxing me to open up and see what was in store. 

More to follow....

I know my place

The energy of the room encapsulating us, the candles, toys, mood and moment had finally come to be! He grabbed His belt, I get very turned on when I see belts! He lifted me up with the belt around my neck, bringing me in for a kiss. The power exchange became intense and suddenly all became aware to me!

Our evening had begun! We played well into the night and eventually drifted off to sleep.

I'm looking to do some new pictures. Yep its that time of year again, time to bring out the toys, fetishes, and fun!! Let's make the magic happen!


Laugh, Live and Licks,

Sierra

Our Date

The day had finally arrived, my first real poly date with Master home! I have been feeling a lot of nerves and Master had commented that my bratty side had been very prevalent and that I had been very sharp tongued. He took this to mean that I needed to sort through my feelings and just do whatever it was that I needed to do to get ready. Combined with all of that I still was having a lot of uncertainty that I was really going to not have any drama from either "A" or Master. 

I did NOT want to give any power to our past experiences with those that claim to be A) poly and B) Dominant. However, I don't want to focus on that, life is about moving forward and that is the direction I am going. 

I wanted to wear something sexy, I was going through all my clothing, and as you can imagine, NOTHING looked good lol. Isn't that how it always is when you want to dress to impress? I take a lot of pride in how I present myself not just my Master, but for those I am going to be in the company of.  I finally settled on a black mini skirt, thigh high nylons and a black dress top, everything met with Master's approval, he was very pleased with His girl's presentation!! 

I left after a few tears of fear and apprehension, not because I didn't want to see "A", but because I have had such negative experiences with my poly dates, that I didn't want to lose my Master as a result of going to play and coming home to something that would reveal itself to be something unhappy. Master assured me several times, that He meant what He said, and said what He means. This is so very important to me and knowing that "A" feels the same as Master, has made this journey even more accepting. 

We  meet up at our agreed location and we have a bite to eat.  Upon greeting me with a hug, "A" whispered in my ear that He was very happy to see me. This made me smile and start to feel more at ease. We didn't stay too long after we finished our meal, I knew that "A" had prepared our room and I had no idea what was about to be before me. 

When we got our room, "A" had candles all around, one by one, He lit them setting a ambiance and  calmness within the room. He had a variety toys that were laid strategically throughout.  Boy oh boy was there a variety of thoughts going through my head!! Yet, not once did He order me to strip and place a collar on me and quip that I was now His bitch for the night. 

Music started to play off a really cool looking Ipod dock, the system was clear and crisp, I could tell He was pretty stoked about how well it sounded :).  I went to freshen up, and when I returned I remember coming out to the sounds of whip, I watched "A" practice.  He wasn't demonstrating to prove anything to me. He was practicing because He has been wanting to explore using a whip and like any Dominant that I know who is true to Himself and to His skills, He will practice for as long as it takes, until a sense of completeness and confidence overrides any uncertainty. We spoke of people we know who are proficient with whipping. Not surprisingly we know the same people. 

We continued to talk about what has been laid around the room, the flickers of the candles dancing on the walls.  Then as things we moving along a belt appears and is suddenly around my neck......

You might have to say "Pretty Please" and I may just share some more with you!

Including Poly

Well 2012 has now rung in and lots of things are happening behind the scenes!  My journey with Fetish modelling will be broadening as I have started to reconnect with photographers who I have worked with. So be sure to stay tuned for new photographs! I'm so excited about that!

I'm still focused on my health and being in the best shape I can be in, this is always going to be a work in progress, but I know I am worth it, and my photographs will reflect that. I've been reviewing my profile on Fetlife as it is time to clean out peeps that I've not chatted with in at least six months, as well as cleaning up my fetishes. Fetishes are like dust, you can either not sweep or sweep! What's your view of cleaning out stuff? Do you keep stuff forever, or do you go through and get rid of things?

So the topic I chose today is about Including Poly. I've been poly for awhile, but it isn't easy to find someone who is truly poly. There are a lot of wannabe's, those are the one's who say they are poly and what not, but the minute as in my situation my Master came back from a trip out of town, the guys suddenly disappeared. This left a very bad taste in my mouth, so I have kept my heart close to my chest and my experiences known.

For me at times I have had more trouble than its worth in dating, even though Master and I are in an open relationship, He is my Primary and I always discuss possibilities with Him first.

So last week I met with a Dom I've been chatting with for a few months now. I was excited and Master was very supportive, He even told me what to wear and He wanted to inspect me before I went on my date. Let's call him "A". I drove to our agreed meeting spot. Not long after "A" shows up and the first thing I notice is how tall He is. He gives me a hug and we sit down to chat. He orders himself a drink as I had arrived before Him and ordered my own.  The waitress also left us the menus.  There was energy between us and I just listened to "A" talk and get a better feel of what He is like as person. It is very different when you only ever chat with someone on a computer or by text.

We laughed a lot, shared interests and the waitress came back several times to take our order, but we hadn't even looked at the menu! So we decided to make a decision on what to eat. I ordered the Chicken Taco salad, as I find myself mentally making better choices with my food intake. "A" I believe ordered a burger.

So we carried on chatting, had dinner, the energy had settled a little and I think that was because nerves had calmed a bit. He did go and have a smoke after dinner and I don't smoke anymore so I just hung out at the table while He went outside.

When "A" returned we leisurely finished our drinks, He paid up the bill and we were going to go to our respective cars. But before we left, I saw Him thinking and so I asked Him what was on His mind. He said that He was thinking about whether we were going to go and play or not. Although I was very flattered and happy He thought about that, I hadn't prepared myself to bring a change of clothes and I had my dog with me in the car. Combined with the fact, that I haven't fucked someone on the first meet in a long time. I used to, and sure sometimes it is really hot, but with D/s there are many things to go over before you get into fucking.

"A" offered to drive me to my car, which I happily accepted, although  my car wasn't far, just up the road, the weather was pelting horribly. The wind and rain were going sideways! Trees were looking like the branches may collapse.  I admit I'm not a fan of driving in the night, let alone with a windy, rainy night ahead of me, and lights glaring on the road, I knew it was not going to be a fun night home.

"A" gets me to my car safely and we chat a bit more and we lean into kiss. It was a soft kiss and a hug, with Him letting out a low growl in my ear, something I am weak in the knees to begin with. I sit back and smile and he puts his hand on my thigh. He says that he wanted to feel my skin, and he says that my skin is so soft.

I smiled again and said yes it is, always has been. I said, well I best go, the drive and all. I kiss Him again, and leave with a smile on my face. Like a gentleman, He watched me open my car door, let my dog out to go to the bathroom before I got in the car and warmed it up. "A" started off and I went my way home.

I texted Him like a good girl when I arrived home as I also let Master know I was home. "A" texted me a few naughty texts and then we called it a night.

We have decided to see one another, and in the meantime we are emailing regularly, talking about boundaries, fetishes, and getting to know one another more.  Hrmph, maybe this poly experience may be something that I've been wanting for a while!